


until i tasted love

by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor)



Series: Sportsfest 2018 [46]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Breakup/makeup, Feelings, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 07:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15990404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor/pseuds/Karasuno%20Volleygays
Summary: Kageyama can't remember when thoughts of his broken relationship with Kindaichi didn't hurt until it starts to rebuild brick by brick.





	until i tasted love

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Sportsfest 2018 bonus round 2. The enclosed lyrics are from a song called Vex by Chelsea Wolfe.

**_i. i swore off obsidian thoughts and lay awake on broken glass_ **

It doesn’t take more than a few hours before the anger gives way to another feeling, and Kageyama doesn’t like it at all. Anger is something he understands; it’s rigid and unyielding.

Grief and fear are so much worse. They press down on him under the bulk of everything he had said to push his teammates, to push Kindaichi away. He is crushed beneath their weight, no matter how hard he tries not to think about _it_ , about _him_.

Warm memories of days spent together in amicable companionship mock him, reminding him that the boy he knew is gone. Kindaichi will never scoot over on the bus to make room for them to share a bench, won't seek him out for lunch and trade various bento items.

Kindaichi certainly won't love him again after this.

Nobody ever told him despair is so much darker than anger, but now he can't see anything else but sharp black solitude everywhere he looks.

 

**_ii. i bled out more than once, i drew the poison out_ **

Kindaichi glares at him through the net every time they see each other on the court, and away from volleyball, his words are as sharp as his looks.

Kageyama doesn't blame him. He knows his apology will get thrown back in his face, and for a while it does. Gradually, though, the glares and harsh words melt into averted eyes and tired sighs.

But the distance still aches in Kageyama’s chest. When he sees Kindaichi, he tries and tries to find something other than disgust, but time has long yellowed the halcyon memories buried underneath.

Here and there, though, a stray thought will resurface from those bygone days and he’ll smile to himself. It still aches, but for that golden second, the weight lifts and he can breathe a little easier and step a little lighter.

 

**_iii. i kept my head down and bit my tongue until I tasted love_ **

It isn't until they're at each other's mercy at a dark remote bus stop that something finally gives. Kindaichi’s hands strangle the strap of his bag, tense shoulders straining against the fabric of his club jacket. Kageyama stares at the pavement under his feet. The bus is late, and both of them are on pins and needles.

Slapping his thighs, Kindaichi turns to glare at him. “This is stupid.” Kageyama doesn't answer. He has a habit of making things worse no matter what he tries to say, so he doesn't. “Look, I was mad, all right? You were a dick and I was tired of it.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama tugs his jacket tighter around himself and bites his lip.

Kindaichi huffs. “Is that really all you have to say to me?”

Shaking his head, Kageyama murmurs, “I just don't want it to hurt anymore.”

Kindaichi freezes next to him. “You mean you've been stewing this whole time like a kicked puppy? I thought you hated me for what we did.”

“No!” Kageyama stares down Kindaichi. “I never hated you. I just wanted you to be the best. I didn’t know how to do that and I ruined everything, but I never, ever hated you.”

“Oh.” Kindaichi buries his face in his hands and lets out a muffled groan. “I feel like a petty dumbass for dragging this out. I don't want to fight anymore. You were an asshole. I wanted to punish you for it and I did, so I’m done with all of that if you're willing.”

Kageyama gazes at Kindaichi wide-eyed and swallows hard. “Yes.” His voice is barely more than a whisper swallowed by the din of passing traffic, but when Kindaichi’s arms wrap around him and crush them together, Kageyama knows the message is delivered and finally received.

Kindaichi buries his face in the crook of Kageyama’s shoulder. “I missed you.”

Clutching the sleeves of Kindaichi’s jacket like a life preserver, not sure if he's imagining this moment but unwilling to let it go, Kageyama chokes, “So did I.”


End file.
